remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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