My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
