Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
