dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
