careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
