I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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