I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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