My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Green mimosas i think yes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
