i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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