Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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