This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I just shit out all my problems.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
