To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
