you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
