Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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