Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
