hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
