is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
