Someone shit on the floor
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
