i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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