dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
