Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
