Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
