Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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