you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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