i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
