I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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