if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
