They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
