so explain again why im purple
no
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
