You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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