Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
