Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
