It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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