woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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