Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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