haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
