I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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