Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
