one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
