i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
