Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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