Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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