Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am never drinking with the goths again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
