Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The beer is more important than you right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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