She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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