i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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