highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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