I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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