I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
