dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
