For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
