I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
