My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
