The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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