I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
