U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
