sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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