so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
