you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
