I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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