bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
