Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
