if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
