I need to stop coming to work sober
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
