I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
