you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
