We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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